It’s about what you can do to find the love of your life and the life that you love. Response: We want to be happy in relationships, but don’t seem to know how. Can you tell us something about dating that most of our listeners don’t already know? Response: I mean that dating as we practice it in our current culture doesn’t work. What’s different about .” What is “Conscious Dating.” Response: First, I would like to clarify that Conscious Dating is NOT “Intuitive Dating,” “Impulsive Dating,” “Trial and Error Dating” or “Dating for Dummies.” It’s not about how to get a man or woman as quickly as possible. While I wouldn’t wish two divorces on anyone, the third time has been the charm for me, and the journey along the way has taught me a lot about what does and doesn’t work in finding and having a successful life partnership. This book is cutting-edge There are many original tools, concepts and strategies for singles in this book that are available no-where else 2. You talk about “Dating Traps.” What are they and how can we avoid them? For more information check out my Be The Chooser audio program 9. I relate to singles and couples who strongly desire a successful life partnership and find this journey quite challenging. One of my favorites is the Rescue Trap where singles unconsciously believe a relationship will rescue them from their problems and unhappiness, then when they get into a relationship, their problems multiply instead of disappear. Response: Henry Ford said “Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you’re right.” This is a common scarcity mindset that causes singles to either give up or settle for less. Response: Dating Traps are unconscious choices that singles make that lead to relationship failure. In my past I’ve fallen into many of them, including the Virtual Reality Trap where you see what you want to see and ignore some serious red flags because you want the relationship to work. What would you tell singles who think they’re too old, overweight, or unattractive to find their life partner?
Find out early if there are reasons that “making it work” will be fraught. Select a few of these questions rather than attempt to ask them all on the same first date! For example, if one person likes to take very long trips and the other person has a more standard two weeks vacation time. If asking this question leads to five solid minutes of them complaining you'll know the person sees the glass as half empty. Why: When you enter a relationship with someone you’re also entering a relationship with their friends. Why: If one of you doesn't like pets and the other has 3 dogs, that's likely to be a problem. Also, if anything out of the ordinary has happened that might be affecting your date’s mood, it’s good to factor this in. Also, it’s nice to give your date an opportunity to answer a question that isn't directly about them. On a first date go for a friendly tone rather than an intimate tone when asking this question. Don’t be afraid to change plans if you arrive at a restaurant and find it’s too noisy for a good conversation. Why: Whatever you're really passionate about, do they respect it? If you jump to an assumption that they have the same politics as you, they might feel too awkward to say that their politics are different. To take some of the pressure off during first dates, remind yourself: (a) that you each have 50% of the responsibility for how the conversation flows, and (b) you can only control how someone reacts to you to a limited extent. This might not be important to you, but it might be. Why: The main point here is not to jump to assumptions about your date's politics. Why: If your date is exploring a relationship with someone else you might want to push pause at the end of your first date but offer them the opportunity to get back in touch with you if the other relationship doesn’t work out. Especially in the age of internet dating, people sometimes meet multiple people they’re interested in around the same time.